The rough seas of change
The ability to adapt and change is inherent in all of us and yet it seems so incredibly hard. Humans evolved because of this ability, so we all know we can do it. But there are unseen things that hold us back, that stop us from moving forward or believing that we even can.
I’ve experienced this a lot this year, probably more so than any other year of my life. I seem to have been in a constant state of flux. There has been lots of movement, for me and for those around me, heaps of letting go of old things and a constant questioning of what is the best way forward.
Steering a yacht
I’ve been trying to steer a course in a forward direction but I think it’s a bit like steering a yacht. You can’t go directly towards what you want. You have to constantly tack and jibe in a zig zag pattern before you reach your goal.
And of course it’s not all about reaching the destination. As they say, it’s all about the journey as that’s where the learning comes in. And as I’ve said before “Calm seas never made a good sailor”. I fervently hold on to the hope that I’m learning a great deal and it’s all going to come in useful somewhere along the way!
It’s still not easy
Knowing all this doesn’t make it any easier though. To be constantly tossed about in rough seas gets extremely tiresome. There are times where I wonder if the direction I’m heading is all wrong. Am I swimming against the tide and making life harder for myself somehow? Is there an easier way?
Well, of course there is. It’s called going with the flow. Trusting that all will be well and not stressing about every little thing, which sounds fantastic, and at times I can do this quite well. But there are other times when realities force themselves to the surface, clogging my brain with questions, what if’s, anxieties, obstacles, old beliefs that aren’t helpful etc.
So what to do in these situations?
Recognition comes first
Well, the first thing I’ve had to do is recognise that this is what is happening! If I didn’t recognise this, I’ll just keep on doing the same thing and continuing to feel stressed out.
Take stock
Secondly, I’ve had to take stock of the situation. How much catastrophising have I been doing? It’s human nature to tell stories about what could happen instead of what we want to happen (i.e. looking at the worst case scenario rather than the best case scenario). That keeps me in a place of lack, and so I get more of what I don’t want. I know how hard it is to change this because I’m aware of all this and I still do it! But, it’s all about baby steps. I’ll get better at viewing my best possible future the more I practice it, and so will you.
Let go of attachments
Thirdly, I’ve had to let go of old attachments as they may well be the wind pushing me backwards so I can never quite reach my goal. Humans get attached to so many things, and really, at the end of the day, does it really matter? If we’ve put a lot of effort in to something, building it up, making it successful or beautiful or whatever it is we’re trying to achieve, it can be really hard to let go of it, to release it and move on to something else. But the point of that whole journey was learning. In the process of building it up, developing it, making it perfect, whatever it is that we’ve been trying to do, we’ve learnt an awful lot. And it’s true, I have learnt huge amounts this year.
Success only matters in our own mind because we judge ourselves based on our idea of success or on our culture’s idea of success. What if there was no judgement? What if we based our success on the learning we achieved and not on whatever the outcome was? Or what if we based our success on how we made people feel, rather than dollars in our bank account? When we look at things that way, it changes our view somewhat. So if I look at my year, and reframe it, I can look at the learnings I’ve achieved and know that I wouldn’t have achieved those without this year being the way that it was.
Accepting change
Fourth, I need to accept that something needs to change. If it’s not working it’s time to try something new. Sometimes this can be a small adjustment, a refocus, or it could be a dramatic pivot (I really don’t like that word anymore!). I’m re-evaluating a number of things and potentially altering course somewhat.
Take action
Unfortunately I can’t live off fresh air so the final thing to consider is what action I can take. I can sit and contemplate my fabulous future all I like, but unless I take action, it’s never going to happen. I recently heard a successful woman say that she had the view that if she dreamed and meditated enough about the future she wanted, it would come to her. It didn’t and she went bankrupt. Then she took action and things fell into place.
We can’t wish our future into being. We still need to take action, and if that means changing something that isn’t working, then that’s what we need to do.
Expect grief and mourning
You may find there is some grief or mourning that goes with that. I know I’m facing this right now as I look to change things in my life. But I can also take positive action, and when I accept that I need to make the change and start taking action, I do actually begin to feel better. Letting go is the hard part.
Sometimes reframing it can change the way we view the tack or jibe. Rather than seeing something as a failure or that we are going backwards, we can allow the wind to blow us in a different direction so that new discoveries are made - ones we wouldn’t have seen if we had been able to continue on in our original direction. Perhaps the best thing for us is in a different place, direction, or way that we will never find if we insist on forcing what we want to happen.
So, do your mourning, do your grieving, because that is all part of letting go. Allow yourself this time and space to release that attachment. And then, when it feels right, you can adjust your dreams and adapt your future vision and start heading in that direction with new hope in your heart.
All will be well, my friend, all will be well.
What was all that again?
Just to recap without the big long explanations, when you are faced with these difficult dilemma’s you might want to:
Recognise the situation you are in and how you are feeling about it
Take stock and review how much catastrophising you are doing
Let go of your attachment to whatever it is
Accept that something needs to change and allow for a grieving period
Take appropriate action
Give yourself time
The final thing I’ll say is it’s okay to give yourself time. You don’t have to do all this in an afternoon. It takes a while to recognise that we’ve got ourselves into this situation, and then it takes even longer to be able to let go of our attachment to whatever it is. To me, letting go of the attachment is the hardest part and I’ve had to come to this point slowly, then sit with it for a while. But once you do, and you release it back to the Universe, you are able to move on in a more positive manner.
You are now free to put all your love, care and attention into something new, and that too will be something that you’ll cherish. No doubt there will be times where you’ll need to change or pivot there too, just as I’m having to do. There will be new joys, new highs, new lows and maybe something better will come out of it all as the wind blows you in a new direction.
Whether you are tacking, jibing or letting the wind and tide take you in a new direction, I wish you happy sailing.
Karen
