Slowing down to speed up
We’ve all seen the messages around self care and how it’s so important for us, but I don’t think many of us realise just how vital it is during our peri/menopause years.
Long term stress leads to a more difficult menopause. The symptoms are worse, and the affects more dramatic, than for those who have had a less stress filled life.
Constant demands
The problem is, today’s way of living doesn’t invite a stress free life. It is, in fact, destined to make our lives more stressful!
The 24/7 way of living means we have constant demands for our attention and focus, multiple things we need to be doing all at the same time, we are on call to everyone (or so it seems) and we are busy comparing ourselves to everyone else on social media and feeling unworthy on top of everything else.
The kids (who are often teenagers and hormonal) need our support, as do our ageing parents. Our relationships may be foundering due to different needs and desires, and our careers are at a stage where we often have quite demanding roles.
Where on earth does one find time for that seemingly less important thing called self care?
Urgent versus important
There is a difference between what is urgent and what is important. We tend to put what is urgent first, and leave what is important but less urgent for later. This happens in our work environments a lot. The problem being that ‘later’ often never comes.
It’s the same with self care. It’s important but not seen as urgent or important enough to trump other things.
We need to change that narrative because actually, self care is probably the MOST important thing for women in peri/menopause.
Taking time out to go for a walk in nature, for instance, might seem unimportant and certainly not urgent. But the calming effect it has on your nervous system and the reduction in your stress levels make it vitally important.
Chronic stress causes long term issues
Long term this can make a real difference. Chronic stress has a profound affect on our body and our health. We all know this. But still we prioritise the urgent and getting things done over the stress reducing walk.
This is where importance trumps urgency. Because eventually, if you don’t put your self care first, you will burn out, more than likely suffer very difficult menopause symptoms and struggle to operate in day to day life.
Perhaps this is why we see a rise in midlife women leaving their careers, suffering burnout, experiencing depression, and divorcing their husbands.
We are the ones that suffer
Our lifestyle is not designed to allow us to ease gently through the hormonal transition and mental/emotional transformation that is menopause. If we continue to rush around ‘doing’ and meeting every demand thrown at us (because as women we are good at multi-tasking) the only ones who suffer at the end of the day is us.
We are the ones that burn out. We are the ones that have to deal with the unwanted side effects of the additional stress. So it’s on us to manage ourselves to the best of our ability. And believe me, the odd massage is not going to solve the problem (but is absolutely still worth having!).
It’s the daily and weekly things that will make the difference. The ones who I’ve seen have the most success at managing their symptoms are the ones who made consistent daily and/or weekly changes in their lives.
They are not necessarily changes they wanted to make but instead they knew they had to make them if they wanted to manage their menopause symptoms in a better way. And it works.
What can you do?
So what sorts of changes have I seen people make?
Going to bed after midnight is out, going to bed before 10.00 is in.
Not drinking caffeine after 2.00 pm (bearing in mind half of it stays in your body for 6-8 hours after you’ve drunk it).
Walking outside every day.
Forest bathing regularly
Gentle exercise (e.g. yoga) as opposed to HIIT workouts (although for some, a great workout is exactly what they need)
Moving regularly every day (do your 10,000 steps - it doesn’t have to be a workout at the gym)
Reducing alcohol intake
Advocating for themselves at the Doctor to get what they need
Giving themselves quiet ‘me time’ every week (or every day where it’s possible)
Journalling, getting all those thoughts down on paper and out of your head
Allowing your anger and frustration to be expressed
Saying no more often. Remember, a no to them is a yes to you
Drinking lots of water
Reducing sugar
Eating a Mediterranean style diet
Meditation and mindfulness practices
Using calming essential oils in your environment
Swapping to part time work
Connecting with others who support you on a regular basis (girlfriends are especially important so you can share your story with them)
Holidaying alone in a quiet spot
Reading fiction every day (quiet, non-rushing escapism)
Admiring the beauty all around you - just sitting and observing it
Slow down to speed up
It’s all about slowing down to speed up.
We need to give our body’s, minds and emotions time to adjust to a new way of being. Our body’s are letting go of our fertile years, and the hormones that go with that. Our minds are letting go of who we thought we were, and often realising we are not the person we wanted to be. Our emotions are affected by the fluctuating hormones, the sense of grief (for some) at no longer being young and fertile, and years of built up anger and frustration for a variety of reasons.
There are a lucky 20% of women who don’t really suffer any real issues as they go through this transformation, and for those women they are probably wondering what all the fuss is about.
But for the rest of us, if we can slow down now, and make some meaningful changes in our day to day lives, we will in fact come out the other side with more energy and zeal for life. We’ll likely get through this phase quicker, or at least with more ease and grace, and not have the ongoing symptoms that some unfortunate women experience post menopause.
If we focus on the important, and delegate as much of the urgent as possible, we may be able to better handle this roller coast ride that is menopause.
And remember, we are not slowing down for the rest of our lives. We are simply slowing down in this phase to allow us to speed up again when we are out the other side.
Happy menopausing!
Karen
