Power play

I’ve talked about “stepping into your power” before but like all things this goes through iterations for each person, and I’m no exception.

The concept is relatively easy to understand. It’s about taking control and being the master of your own destiny. But that’s not always as simple as it sounds.

And the big question is how do you exercise your own power?

Feeling powerless

I realise now how powerless I have felt and been up until recently. Even though I’d taken some significant steps to take back my power, it wasn’t enough. When I had the opportunity to step back and step out of my normal life, it became clear that power was definitely not in my hands. No wonder I felt so frustrated all the time!

I’ve been working on this for a couple of years now, and I’m still at the beginning stages of this journey. Even so, I feel different and people are commenting that there is a difference in me as well.

What it looks like for me

There is more solidity, more strength. An assuredness that is undeniable. It’s like my foundations are stronger and everyone can see that.

My future is still up in the air. I’m still in that liminal space of uncertainty in every aspect of my life, and yet there is a core element of calmness within me that seems unshakeable.

It’s surprising but very welcome. It feels really good.

Where was it?

So where has my power been all these years?

It had been put aside to make way for harmony and for other peoples want’s and needs. I’ve been in partnership for a long time, and I’ve had children to guide through life. I’ve worked in teams in corporate environments. There are always compromises to be made in those situations, and thats a good thing because that’s how successful partnership, parenthood, friendship and teams work.

But I realise now I gave away ALL my power in all my relationships, including work. I didn’t stand my ground because I was always the one to keep harmony and balance in the relationships. I was too busy being nice! And in fact, as I watch other members of my family, I realise this is an inherited trait.

There are some moments where I deeply regret not standing my ground and being heard. There are other moments where compromising was the absolute right thing to do.

Now, however, I’m in control of every part of my destiny. There is no one to answer to. No one to compromise for. I get the final say in absolutely everything and I don’t need to let anyone or anything into my life if I don’t want to. It’s my choice, my decision.

Lightbulb moment

I had an experience over Christmas that brought this home for me. It was at that point that I realised I no longer need to put up with behaviours or people that don’t sit well with me. I get to choose who is in my life and what sort of people I allow in. I have the final decision in every aspect of my life and that is incredibly empowering.

The thing is, just like everybody else, I’ve always had this power but never exercised it. I didn’t have the opportunity to explore this in my late teens and early twenties because I was already in partnership with my significant other. I basically went straight from home to a long term relationship so I never experienced the joy and freedom of having my own power - because I gave it all away right at the start of our relationship.

It’s all internal

Power comes from within. It is not who we control or decisions we make. It is the undeniable truth of who we are and how we show this to the world.

It is not letting ourselves be swayed by the opinions or judgements of others. Rather it is expressing ourselves on our terms in our own way. If something feels right, it is the power to say yes to that and likewise, if something feels wrong it is the strength and power to say no to that. It really is as simple as that.

I say this affirmation every night to reinforce this to myself:

“May I honour what I truly need instead of everyone elses opinion”

This is where my Christmas realisation comes in to play. I have the power to say no to people, behaviours, attitudes and situations that don’t sit well with me and to remove those from my life. I am honouring what I need, not what someone else needs. And that power gives me freedom to live the way I want to, surrounded by those I want in my life.

As women, we’ve been brought up to please others, to make sure everyone else was looked after and put our own needs last. It’s empowering to put my own needs front and centre for the first time.

But wait, there’s more…

It’s not just about recognising our own inner authority to decide how we want to live our lives. There’s also an element of forgiveness required. First of all, forgiving myself for not having stood in my power for the last five decades!

Then there is forgiving those who wanted to control and hold the power themselves. They are not wrong, mean or bad. They are just living their life the way they’ve been wired to. It’s probably their coping mechanism, or the way they’ve been brought up.

There’s also a need to let go of attachments. I’m so used to living life this way, letting go is actually quite tricky. Much as I hate to say it, I’m probably attached to it and it’s hard not to revert to that way of being.

Progress is being made

As I get used to it though, and as my life is a complete blank canvas at the moment, it’s exciting to step into my power and fully embrace it. I’m starting to experience life in a way I never have before and I’m open to all the opportunities that are coming my way.

It’s a really good feeling and I can see how I’m growing and expanding as I step into my powerful self.

So how about you?

If you recognise any of this in yourself, I encourage you to step back and look at how and where you are giving your power away. Where do you give in to pressure from others, or cave because of the fear of their judgement? Where and when do you put your own needs last? How are you not honouring your own needs?

Take some time for yourself to meditate, journal, contemplate, reflect or whatever works for you as you come to grips with this aspect of yourself. And then remember to forgive and let go.

And if you recognise that you are fully in your power - kudos to you! You are doing an awesome job of being authentically you.

Karen